A beautiful, young lady about 21 went to a doctor and asked for a check-up.

The doctor claimed that he had to use a thermometer for the check-up.

So the doctor asked her, "Where shall I put the thermometer?"

The girl replied, "...uh ...not in my mouth, Doc. I might swallow it."

"Okay...let's try your armpit." the doctor suggested.

"Well, it might tickle me, Doc. How about my butt?" the girl queried.

"Okay then," so he put the thing in the girls butt.

Later, the girl while giggling exclaimed, "that's not my butt, Doc!"

The doctor replied, "That's okay dear... it's not the thermometer, either."

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"

The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box ."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that, You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?"'

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots. I have taught them to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will also learn to praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots. Immediately, the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away, Jack. Our prayers have been answered!"

• This week is Breast Awareness Week. Spread the slogan: We stare because we care!

• Teacher: Soch or Veham me kya fark hai..? Pappu: Aap ki Beti Sweet & Sexy hai… Ye hamari Soch hai or wo hamare hathon se Bach jayegi ye Aap ka Veham hai.

• LESBIAN kisko kehte hain? - 2 kamini ladkiyan, Jo mard ko khush nahi dekh sakti!

• 70 ways to make a woman happy: No. 1 is shopping & the rest is '69'.

• Marwari 2 prostitute: I'll pay double if u let me do it in Marwari style. She agrees. After sex, she asks: What's Marwari style? , Marwari payment after 90 days!

• You wanna come to my place for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?!

• Define Rape with the help of one good example? - Rape is a very-very difficult Job, For e.g.. It is like playing GOLF with a continuously moving HOLE!

• Response during sex:
Mistress: Wow ! Darling this is great.
Whore: Come on finish it now.
Girlfriend: Ah! Please slowly.
Wife: Ceiling needs painting !

• Height of being Realistic: An actress being fucked by a producer widout using a condom saying that she has 2 play the role of a Pregnant lady in his next film!

• Knowledge is like ur underwear... U should have it, but not show it off & most important, while having sex, keep ur knowledge aside!

Two teenaged brothers were arguing with each other very strongly. The issue was who knows better and more about the sex.


The elder brother of seventeen gives a challenge to his fourteen year old younger brother. He says that I will ask you a basic question about sex and if you reply it correctly, then only I will admit that you know better and more about sex than me.

“O.K. Done.” Please ask." said the younger of fourteen.


Elder brother asks his younger brother, “Tell me, how many testicles we have, taken both of us together?”

Younger replies instantly, “It’s so easy, Four”.


The elder one says, “Wrong. I have only one.”

Younger one replies, “But I have three, what about that.”

There were two beggars sitting under the bridge for many years. There was no change in their fortune. Once God went to them and gave them three eggs each. God told both of them that “They have to express their each wish and then drop the egg to the floor and the wish will be true.”

Both were happy. First one used all the eggs and got wealth, health and wife and started living very happily.

Once he was passing the same bridge and to his surprise he saw his old friend second beggar still begging under the bridge. First beggar was surprised he stooped his car and went up to him.

Rich Beggar, “Dear what is this. You are not changed at all. Did you not use those three eggs?

Poor Beggar, “Yes dear. I used all the three eggs but still I am as it is.”

Rich Beggar, How come? I used all of them and see toady I am rich, healthy and family man.”

Poor Beggar, “What to tell you?” You know I was fond of sex and sex only. I dropped the egg and wished Maximum possible ‘Instruments’ to me. My wish was through and my entire body had many instruments, where ever possible on my body.

Rich Beggar, “ My God. Then?

The Poor Beggar, “It was horrible experience. I was looking like animal hanging instruments to all my body.”

“So I immediately dropped the second egg and wished’ O’ God. Take away these instruments from my body.”

“The wish was through and all the instruments hanging to my body vanished. But with this I had a grave problem. I lost my original instrument also due to this wish.”

Rich Beggar, “O, God. It must be unfortunate and horrible. Then what you did?”

Poor beggar, “I had no option but to drop the third egg and wish “Get me back my original instrument and that is how I lost all the three eggs. Naturally. I am on the same begging spot.”

Poor Beggar “My sad story does not end hear. Since I asked for my original instrument I got it back as of when I was born. It’s of no use dear. I have lost everything.”