* When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dic.k or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose.


* Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.


* A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.


Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'


There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.


* Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.


* There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.


* Virginity can be cured.


* Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.


* Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.


* I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.


* Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.


* A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the hole, and she was happy with the thing.


*Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed' many men still sleep with their wives.